JOHN TERRY JOKES

Why can't you get a cup of tea at the Bridge? All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.


Missing: 1 x Bottle
Last Seen: 21st May, Moscow
If found please return to: John Terry, Stamford Bridge, London


Heard about the John Terry tyre? Excellent durability but not so good in the wet.


John Terry always listens to the same song before a game - Born Slippy.


What is top of the man utd pop charts? Footloose.


Did you hear about the new 'Chelsea Bra'? Lots of support but no cups.


Frank Lampard and Joe Cole were allegedly spotted out in Red Square last night, having clearly had one or two drinks. They were reportedly singing: "We're forever blowing Doubles."


John Terry is going to start making is own brand of vodka - and like him it's bottled in Russia.


After Ryan Giggs lifted the Champions League cup for a second time he had a peek inside and there was a Chocolate Orange in it. He said - "It's not Terry's, it's mine!"


Samaritans are offering counselling to all Chelsea fans. Call 0800 101010 – that’s 08000 won nothing won nothing won nothing.


And If that line gets too busy there is another number to call: 0800 6-5 6-5 6-5.


Good news and bad news
Good news is Josep Fritzel is suffering the death penalty
bad news is John Terry is taking it


When John Terry's missus is not in the mood, she makes him wear a Chelsea shirt to bed; no chance of him scoring


what is top of the man utd pop charts? Footloose!


I hear they're ploughing up Stamford bridge next year and planting spuds so the players will something to lift at the end of the season.